The Four Friends Everyone Should Have

Christmas break is over and my time back in small town Illinois was pretty great. I got to spent some quality time with people I’ve been around since I was old enough tot remember. If you’ve never been in a small town, you are missing out on some really great stuff. Granted there’s lots of dumb stuff  and boredom too. But who’s keeping a tally. Anyways, I digress from the point which is really all about friends, and the four friends everybody should have in life. I hope you have more than four friends, and I am sure friends should never be pidgeon-holed into one of these ‘types.’ But true friends, and I use that word broadly, will eventually act in these four ways to help make you a better person.

I realize this looks like a dumb Seventeen article or something. And, if I’m honest, it is probably subcnsiouly inspired by that form. But it is also a shout-out to those awesome friends from Illinois, and college, and all other walks of life who have been the best group of people to be around and grow up with. Thanks you crazy kids.

1. The “Remember Back in the Day” Friend

This is the friend who knew you way back in the day, back when you had braces and terrible acne, back when you dated that dumb girl (or guy). They saw you grow up and every time you get together it is a great re-hashing of old stories and memories you thought you had lost. But this is more than just glory-daying, more than a run-through of every high school or college reunion you will ever go to. Rather, these friends remind you of your roots. They make sure you no where you came from, lest you try and escape the past. They help you stay rooted, making sure you recognize that whoever you want to become, whatever you are journeying towards, is grounded in the place from which you came. You can’t have an end, or even a journey, without a beginning. And these friends remind you of that.

2. The “That’s a Dumb Idea” and “Don’t Be Dumb” Friend

In a world where people rarely give you honest feedback (unless its a jerk boss, the really attractive girl who will never date you, or the teacher who is a tool), this friend has your best intentions in mind when they constantly reject your dumb ideas or force you to honestly examine how immature or irrationally you are acting. It takes a really special, loving person to rebuke you. Only a true friend will do this and be there with you as you either follow their suggestion, or reject it to your own detriment. When you pick up the pieces of your dumb life, they will be there beside you with a smirk that says ‘I told you so’ but enough love to get you back on your feet. This is the friend everybody needs, especially in those times where tough decisions need to be made. Love, unlike most popular notions, also has a rough side which this friend, this true friend, is able to fully share with you.

3. The “You Can Totally Make That Jump” and “Stop Being a Wuss” Friend

While there is a friend to point out how dumb you can be, this needs to be counterbalanced by that crazy friend who motivates you to do the craziest things. This friend helps you keep your life exciting, perhaps to the point of your own welfare. Now, this friend is not a distorting peer pressure that simply wants you to do dumb things to fit in with the crowd. Rather, this friend knows that you need to have fun in your own ways and will help you do that, even when you aren’t feeling up the challenge. Moreover, this friend provides that added confidence boost by showing their confidence in who you are as a person. When it comes to getting ready for a job interview, or asking somebody out, or wearing a crazy outfit, this person (in moderation) will support you the whole way through, even if things go sour. This friend keeps life exciting and pushes you to a more fully expression of what it means to be you.

4. The “Let’s Grow Old Together” Friend

The final friend is a bit more nebulous. Your friendship begins with a deep faithfulness, a willingness to stay in touch even when it seems impossible. You seem to have been through it all together, even though you weren’t together for some of it. When you get together with this friend, you just kind of jive-sure there is catching up, but you always seem to be at similar places in life. I suppose it could be some sort of mystical connection, or perhaps it is a shared personality type. But what is key is that this is a person you can grow old together with. Perhaps this is what marriage looks like (I’ll let you know if I ever get married) but it goes beyond just growing old together. There is a sense in which this person shares who you are in a profound way and your lives are so linked that despite distance or difference in life situations, you are together. Maybe this is what it means to be a best friend, something that is bigger than how much you life each other. Whatever it all amounts to, friends like this need to be held on to though I imagine if this makes any sense to you, then you are already united to one.

There it is, some cheesy reflections on friendship that nevertheless get at some deep truths about what true friends look like. Hopefully this cuts against some of the cheap and dumb distortions of friendship that social media has created. Surely friendship is, and must be, more than this reoccuring status I read today:

“a good friend will bail u outta jail…a great friend will b sittn next to ya sayin damn that was fun!!!!”

A real friend is so much more than this dumb phrase. Give them a little credit.

 

Acquired Skills That Appear Laughable on a Resume

Throughout my many years of hard work in a variety of different professions in various locales across the world, not to mention the innumerable life experiences I have gained, I have developed a large number of skills that are neither marketable to any professional business nor are ‘transferable’ in any real sense of the word. And yet, for some reason they have been invaluable everywhere I go. If you are like me, then you have found that your ability to wiggle your ears or quote facts about Zoroastrian burial practices are perhaps more important to surviving in the real world then anyone would think when making a resume. For this reason, I want to celebrate certain acquired skills that don’t get the credit they deserve.

1) Being able to solve the Rubik’s Cube-Aside from being a great confidence booster (anytime I solve one, people assume I am genius, though it really was just practice and memorization), this 1980’s skill is not only a great way to pass the time but also functions as a great conversation starter. Although it hasn’t gotten anyone a job since Will Smith in the “Pursuit of Happyness,” it has proved crucial to develop relationships and starting conversations.

2) Remembering and recalling song titles, album names, and bands-A skill I developed through car rides with a rock n’ roll/heavy metal dad and a oldies/disco/country mother, this skill has served as a remarkable way to have conversations with just about anyone (save that kid who never listens to music). Indeed, everyone knows SOME music, so the more you know, the better able you are to fit in. Unfortunately, unless you are a radio DJ, no one will every care that you know Cat Scratch Fever is a Ted Nugent song.

3) Proficiency at Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3- The many hours of button smashing and repeated 3 minute rounds I spent as a youth playing this Playstation game may seem like such a waste. But learning how to do a manual into a grind and string tricks together is a great skill. First, it gave me street credit for knowing skating lingo. Second, it gave me decent video game skills that makes most video games manageable.

The list could go on and on, as I brainstorm about skills I’ve acquired such as training as a deep sea diver, the ability to do a handstand, and beatbox. But the real heart of the matter is that I am way for exciting and have way more skills than any resume will show.

And I cling to my dad’s motto: I’d rather know a little about a lot of things and be able to better relate to people than know a lot about one thing and be socially awkward.